You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize