it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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