new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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