my phone needs a breathalizer
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
