This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
