its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
