No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
