my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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