it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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