If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize