I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
