You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize