i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
