I wannas sexs uuuuu
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
