i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
