I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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