the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
