my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The adults are the big ones right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
