WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
