your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
