i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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