i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
