I think I won the penis lottery.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Randomize
