She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
