Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dicks are not precious.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
