you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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