You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
