I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
