she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
