Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
