You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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