I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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