Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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