I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
