I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize