i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
is that a dick in a sweater?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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