Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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