Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
soo... how was my night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
