A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
