remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
