Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
