I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
