So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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