Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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