If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am in a vortex of obligation.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize