but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
