we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
