im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
