the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
