I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
