Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
