Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
