happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
