He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
