I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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