dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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