You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
