Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
