$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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