I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
