i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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