the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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