she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
