I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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