then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
