i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
