I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
