I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
