Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
