What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
