are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Girls should come with a carfax report
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
