dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
