The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize