I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
