Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
