I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
