Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
