what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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