I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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