i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
