at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
